I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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