discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
