Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
birth control should be required to get into college
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
