My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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