I like my sex mixed with concussions.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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