If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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