Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
