what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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