i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
