TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
