my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
