Are we in a gay sports bar?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
