Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
