I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
