also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize