ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
