the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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