she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
