I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We got so high we made milksteak
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
