put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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