We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
where does the pee come out of this thing
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
