No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
