Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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