Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
