Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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