Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
