chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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