whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize