we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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