About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
