My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
