God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
