She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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