She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize