i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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