I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
