I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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