just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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