That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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