man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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