so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
