the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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