whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
