Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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