rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
