covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
