That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize