i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
