I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
