Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
