so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize