i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
