he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
