I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
