You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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