I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
