Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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