I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
