now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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