i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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