Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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