I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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