me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
