I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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