I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
