honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
