if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
3pm strippers are depressing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
May the power of my ass compel you!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
