Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
