I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
